What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 06:40
He resisted the act ,that day.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Why are the democrats keep insisting that there are more than two genders?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im still living with it.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We all went to grammer schools
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
How would you describe modern day Russian society, beyond just politics?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
It was going to be , some day.
How come Jesus died on Friday and rose on Sunday? That's not 3 days and three nights.
I waited trembling.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Is Twilight appropriate for a 12-year-old?
And i lived it daily.
Was to survive, this bastard.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why do I sometimes hear full conversations when I am alone?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why do atheists want to see God so badly?
As i do to all so called friends.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
What are some hard truths that MAGA needs to hear?
I couldn’t, believe it.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What are some tips for a girl with low self-esteem to start dating?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was in good health!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I think the readers, may guess!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
So, i spoilt her more .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I don,t even have a pension.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I will be 64.
I was seconnd youngest,
I have no regrets .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was 9 years of age.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My life is so biszare .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She found it foreign!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Comes on , in middle age.
Who then, do I blame.?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I could never make a relationship work though!
When she asked me how she looked .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Especially a lifetime of it.
This is soul school!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So whats the point in blame.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Ive learnt so much.
She loved him until the end.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was very sick at this time too.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I write beautiful poetry .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Put me off passion for life!!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She wouldn,t have been !
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But, we were locked up after school.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He knew the spot.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My family never makes their pension either.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One cannot live in the past .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I said to her
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it wasn’t much.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Would this be the day?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were not on the streets..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
What did i know ?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
All the time i was locked up.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was scared of men, in general
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She married twice! .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.